Saturday, November 13, 2004

Dear Prudence: God just won't leave me alone
Apparently God is an incessant nag. Former Reds slopballer Frank Pastore describes what it's like being down, really down with the G-O-D:

"First, when you become a Christian, the Holy Spirit will not leave you alone (John 14:16-26). God wants you to celebrate His creation. He said you must be like a little child. (Matt. 18:3). Have you ever taken a little child to something really neat like the Grand Canyon? He'll look for a few seconds and then say "Lets go home." And you can say, "Look, it's the Grand Canyon, the GRAND CANYON!" and he says "Yeah, I see, let's go." You can't seem to get across the magnitude of it's beauty. Well, God is like that. Every day He shows you His creation and says "Look at that!" and He won't leave you alone until you really see it."

Twice in one short paragraph Frank Pastore tells me that his God simply will not leave me alone if I let Him into my life. I can't begin to express to Frank how creepy this truly is for most sane people. I'd gamble that at least a bare majority of normal human beings don't wish to be harassed by some freakish Saturn salesman God to keep looking at the beauty of creation until they feel compelled to render it IN CAPS.

Some things just don't excite other people as much as they excite you. Recently I tried to convince my girlfriend that it was really quite a remarkable statistical rarity for us to both be dealt pocket kings on the same hand of a five-person Texas Hold 'Em game. I thought it was REALLY AMAZING, but unfortunately all she ultimately cared about was that we had both split two dollars from the guy who called us to the river with a pair of queens. I tell you what though, I wish Frank Pastore's God had been around to browbeat her into believing she had just taken part in some kind of spiritual experience. I REALLY DO.

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