Tuesday, October 21, 2003

What do prison rape and the right's case for war have in common?
Ask Jonah Goldberg, NRO's "idiot fratboy" (not my phrase, though I wish it was). Now that the Kay report has demolished the Bush administration's rationale for war, the right is reduced to this pitiful reasoning:
Q: If you're a new sheriff in a really bad town, what's one of the smartest things you can do?

A: Smack the stuffing out of the nearest, biggest bad guy you can.

Q: If you're a new inmate in a rough prison, what's one of the smartest things you can do?

A: Pick a fight with the biggest, meanest cat you can — but make sure you can win.

Q: If you're a kid and you've had enough of the school bullies pants-ing you in the cafeteria, what's one of the smartest things you can do?

A: Punch one of them in the nose as hard as you can and then stand your ground.

Q: If you're the leader of a peaceful and prosperous nation which serves as the last best hope of humanity and the backbone of international stability and a bunch of fanatics murder thousands of your people on your own soil, what's one of the smartest thing you can do?

A: Knock the crap out of Iraq.

Why Iraq? Well, there are two answers to that question.

The first answer is "Why not?" (If it helps, think of Bluto burping "Why not?" in Animal House.)

The second answer: Iraq deserved it.

Now. Here's the important part: Both of these are good answers.

"Why not?" This is the case for war? I'm sure the young men and women being dismembered, mutilated, and mortally wounded every day in Iraq will be glad to know they're dying for a cause so noble. The scary part is that U.S. foreign policy is currently being conducted by people with very similar mindsets, who are just itching to apply this logic to Iran, North Korea, and Syria, a course of action which would drain the military's already-depleted resources and committ the U.S. on a course of open-ended imperialism of the sort not witnessed since de Gaulle pulled the colons out of Algeria. But hey -- why not!


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